This is a reply I put on Ben’s website (the awesome pastor and wordpress theme guru at openswitch.org. I’m putting it here too so I might read it later and take my own advice. :)
Orignal reply at http://openswitch.org/2006/01/29/sometimes-i-fake-it/
*warning this reply rambles*
Before reading be warned that I have been in a existential methaphysical quandry all day (I.E. I been wresting with my own faith again). The problem being a pastor and faking it is…. (drum roll please) …. Nothing and maybe everything.
In some ways it is nothing wrong with faking it because that is the normal thing to do. Faking keeps your sanity and sometimes help you get through church and deal with the people who are there because they just felt like they needed to be there and the people who look for the pastor to be in full swing and always chipper. The problem is you loose yourself in trying to live up to someone elses image of you. I should know I am a recovering faker.
I went to church for years struggling with my own doubts and when I got to the door of the church a serene fake smile was plastered on until I got back to the sanctuary of my car (my mobile office :) and could return to reality.
About three weeks ago I felt absolutely awful. I am a church planter in the Wilmington area of NC (shameless plug at livingfaith.cc) and I was at first resigned to just fake it like so many times before. Yet, I didn’t. One of our churches core values is authenticity (i.e. be who you are). I got up from behind the pulpit and bore my soul and told everyone before I preached that I was sick, didn’t feel good, and was in all likelyhood about to bumble through my sermon. After I was done preaching I apologized for delievering a sermon that wasn’t the best.
Ben is absolutely right, when your the pastor you can’t not just show up for church. No matter how bad the warm bed covers tell you to stay in bed, you have to get up and go to and do church. It isn’t always easy. Most of us Pastor really enjoy what we do, but sometimes when it is that 1% of the time we wish we were in bed we normally feel compelled to fake it. Because unfortunately, somewhere along the lines people got this silly idea pastors are supermen. Yet, I think we can probably safely say that even when it is easier to fake it we have a opportunity from God to show people that pastors are real people who have real emotions and aren’t always gung ho about “being at and doing church.”
Ben, thank you for getting up and going. Thank you for being faithful. Just next time tell folks you aren’t batting a thousand and don’t fake it. It may knock them off their seats and God willing it may get them to realize we pastors are just ordinary people too doing our best to work out our faith too. Maybe it will give them the opportunity to minister to you. Who knows maybe they may even see that they should offer you and your family a chance to go take a payed vacation.
If you try this and get the payed vacation send me a post card. :)
Possibly related posts:
- Thoughts to Come
- The closing of Crossmark Church
- Pastors, sin, & the church
- defining virtual church
- Disconnected, virtual church